MEOW! Presents: The 5 Worst Films of the Year So Far. Also known as...GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

October 22nd, 2012

MEOW!

5.) Pitch Perfect--A genuinely mean-spirited film that represents men and the power of a capella horribly. And a woman vomits. Twice. You've been warned.



I did get pitch slapped. It was no fun.

4.) Rock of Ages--A jukebox musical that takes the pleasure out of 'guilty pleasure,' this film lacks the joy and energy that the songs presented here originally possess. Still, I don't stop believin' that these actors can get a good gig somewhere else.



3.) Dr. Seuss' The Lorax--Leaving aside the hypocrisy of its genuine message about protecting the environment, this film is an hour too long when it could've been shortened to about thirty minutes in length. Oh wait, it already was: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i5jnJdnQPr8 You can watch Part Two on the same page.



2.) Dark Shadows--It's a good thing that Burton redeemed himself with Frankenweenie, but there's no denying that this had oh-so much potential. What a cast: Johnny Depp, Michelle Pfeiffer, Helena Bonham Carter, and..what's this? What's this? Chloe Moretz from HUGO?? And by golly, a film about vampires that don't sparkle? At all? This sounds like an excellent recipe! So how? HOW could they have picked a film to perform in where they are given almost nothing to do? This film was a chore to sit through, and easily one of those films that I walked out of the theater upset at the end.



1.) Beasts of the Southern Wild--You go right ahead with your comments about how I put TED on my favorite films of the year list and not this, but at least there were characters and a story I could give the time of day to. This film...I will not give a second to. Now I knew how my sister felt when she expressed her hatrid toward Where the Wild Things Are (A film I personally admire a great deal. See that instead.). The fact that this film is getting more Oscar hype than The Perks of Being a Wallflower disgusts me, and if it does happen to get nominated over that, then it'll finally prove how the Academy flew over the Cuckoo's nest (Of course, that occurred almost a year ago when HUGO lost Best Picture to The Artist. I mean, I liked and respect The Artist a lot, but...D'OH. REALLY?) Skip this film at all cost if you can.



I tried holding hyperactive sparklers once. I was all burned out afterwards.

Wellp, until next time,

MEOW!

MEOW! Presents: The 5 Best Films of the Year So Far!

October 21st, 2012

MEOW!

5.) 21 Jump Street--A hilarious and memorable R-rated comedy that will make you wonder how chickens can explode while gas trucks cannot.



4.) ParaNorman--The best animated film of the year so far--a funny and chilling take on the children's horror genre while offering up a powerful message of finding good in the world.



3.) TED--Mixing comedy gold with nostalgic sentiment, this film is a genuine classic--one that'll make you want to go down to the basement, find your teddy bear, and hug him like he's your best friend. I can't believe how I'm actually being serious about this.



2.) LOOPER--With an astonishing imagination by writer and director Rian Johnson, and featuring outstanding performances from Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Bruce Willis, this film will make you excited about the future of cinema once again.



1.) The Perks of Being a Wallflower--I hope you Oscar-potentials are ready to impress me, because if they are as good as anything in this film, then chances are the world will be saved a few days early. One of the best films I've ever seen. Please see this if you can.



Until next time,

Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaow!

MEOW! Presents: The Top 10 Words/Phrases I Will Never EVER Use As A Blogger (In no particular order, because, let's face it, they all have equal amounts of displeasure.)!

October 18th, 2012

MEOW!

^^That is a word/phrase I will use. But no, let's move on to the list, shall we? Starting now, these are the words/phrases I will never EVER use.

Pretentious

^^My face to the worst word on this list.

Self-Indulgent (Or Absorbed)

Overrated

Smug

Hakuna Mata--Kidding, but I'll throw a pic in there for ol' times sake.

"You don't *get it.*"

"You have to read the book first."

^^I REMEMBER THIS!

"If (insert famous actor/director) was involved with (insert famous movie), would you have liked it so much?"

"What audience was this film/show made for?"

"This film ripped off (insert Battle Royale)."

Oh, Katniss...

And the ever immortal

"I love The Human Centipede."

 

Well-done reaction shot, Kevin...

 

Until next time,

 MEOW!

 

MEOW! Presents: THE (Many, Many, Many MANY) PERKS OF BEING A WALLFLOWER Movie Review!

I feel infinite.

October 17th, 2012

MEOW!

The Perks of Being a Wallflower is an experience. No, not just a film. An. Experience. I can't emphasize those two words enough. You will not say to your friends "Ooh, my favorite scene is...," or "Hey, remember that line when he/she said...," or...no. You will feel as if you've spent a near-two hours in a universe that can exist anywhere at anytime. You will feel as if you've spent a near-two hours with characters that you've come to fall in love with. Above all else, you will feel as if you've spent a near-two hours seeing the world through another's eyes, and through it all, you may come out of the theater as a changed man. Or woman. Or wallflower.

Whatever the case, you will feel for Charlie's sad, sad tale. No, we're not talking about Charlie Bucket here. This sad tale, written and directed by Stephen Chbosky--the author of the novel of the same name--focuses on Charlie (Insert your own last name here--an astonishing turn by Logan Lerman), who is an incoming freshman at his new school, and it is extremely difficult for him to make friends on the first day. His teacher, however, Mr. Anderson (Brilliantly subtle performance by Paul Rudd), believes that "if you can make friends on the first day of school, you'll be OK." Charlie's first friend happens to be him, of course, which he finds "very depressing." Thankfully, Charlie starts to make friends at a high school football game, and they just happen to be two seniors. One of them is a girl named Sam (Insert your own last name here--Wonderfully, WONDERFULLY portrayed by Hermione Granger), and another is her gay step-brother Patrick (Insert your own last name here--Thank you, Ezra Miller, for respecting the name Patrick without turning it into a joke).

Both characters open up their emotions to Charlie. Patrick is in a secret relationship with football quaterback Brad (Johnny Simmons), and if anyone finds out, especially Brad's father, Brad would be beaten up, and he would once again conform to society's rules. Sam, on the other hand, yearns to be accepted to Penn State University, but needs help from Charlie to boost up her SAT scores (SAT--Saturday Afternoon Tedium). She and Charlie also start to develop feelings for each other, which makes it all the more difficult as a.) Sam is in a relationship with her college boyfriend Craig (Reece Thompson), and b.) Charlie starts up a relationship with one of Sam's closest friends, Mary Elizabeth (Mae Whitman).

Oh...and truth or dare is involved in one of the most important scenes in the film. Anybody involved in a bonfire party I attended last summer will get the most out of that scene.

Oh, and I mentioned that Charlie's is a 'sad, sad tale,' didn't I? It sure is. How sad it is I will not spoil here, except to say that there is a twist in this film that comes so unexpected, so surprising, and so brave, that you may need to give it a second view to see how it all plays out within the story. The film seems to go straightforward in the first 2/3rds, and at those moments, they are absolutely delightful and involving. There are some genuine moments of humor, such as when Patrick is able to recieve a passing grade in Wood Shop, a class that he kept on failing during his past three years in high school ("If you fail me, I'll be here next semester." --cut to-- "I'M BELOW AVERAGE!"). There are also some moments, ESPECIALLY the scenes with Charlie and Sam, that are so gut-wrenching and true to its heart ("We accept the love we think we deserve."), that if you don't feel anything during those moments, you could very well be a robot from outer space who never learned life lessons from a little boy...ya know, unlike The Iron Giant?  Then, once the third act hits, it blind-sides you, and becomes something to eventually experience all over again.

And I must emphasize this once more that this is, first and foremost, an. Experience. Film critics have their own criteria on what the word experience can mean. Mine is this: If you can cast any type of spell on me from the beginning to the end of a picture, and have me walking out of the theater as a changed man, you would have crafted a genuine cinematic experience that I can pass on to my friends and family. Not since HUGO have I felt like I've been transported to a world where anything is possible, and how that journey can lead me to become a better person in the future. Only time will tell if this film will live up to the extraordinary HUGO once I experience it again. For now, life goes on beautifully, as I feel what Charlie felt as he went through that oh-so-achingly beautiful tunnel: infinite.

Wow. Infinite. That is a funny word. Milkshake is a funny word, too.

Hands down, this is one of the best films of this or any other year, and one of the greatest cinematic experiences I've ever had. Please do me a favor and see it this weekend so that we don't have to endure a Paranormal Activity 5.

Until next time,

MEOW!

And because you've read my review, you've earned yourself a talking milkshake! Congratulations!

 

MEOW! Presents: Through It All

MEOW!

I've heard the words of those who cried
I've heard the words of those who died
I've heard it all.
I've heard it all.

I've seen the pain on those who feel
I've seen the tears on those who are real
I've seen it all.
I've seen it all.

I've been one of those who felt the pain
I've been one of those who were lost in the rain
I've been through it all.
I've been through it al

And through it all
The good remains
In a world that seems to lie
Though the lies that spread
Are from the troubled and weary
That's enough reason to cry.

Yet through it all
We can turn those tears
Into one big sky of blue
With one yellow dot
And a genuine smile
That can all come from you.

And through it all
A future
Can be too good to be true.

-Thank You-

MEOW!

MEOW! Presents: A Pretty Little Lark

MEOW!

Isn't this
Why, it is
It's a lark
Not the dark
It's a pretty little lark
Telling me where to be
Where to go
Where to see
Where to look
Where to find
A pretty little lark
By the tree
With a leaf
And a peach
Though not an ordinary peach
Inside is a castle
A castle of goods
And the pretty little lark
Guards that peach like a hawk
And speaking of hawks
That hawk eyes the lark
Like a dog with a bark
BARK BARK BARK BARK

What's this
It is
A battle ensues
And so it's war
It's war
It's war
Between the pretty little lark
And the hawk
Like a dog
With a bark
Goes on
And on
And on
Just for one little peach
With a castle of goods
Just end already
Please go
Please leave
Pointlessness
That's all it is
A pretty little lark
Just guarding its joy
With love
And peace
And hope
And faith

And joy.

Oh yes
Pure bliss
The battle is won
And the pretty little lark
Gets to live once more
Once more
Once more
And more
And more
I ask
If I can
Have that peach to eat
And the pretty little lark
Says yes
You may
And I thank the lark
With my gratitude
And I leave to eat
A piece of the peach
And then..
And then..
As I eat the peach
I turn into a prince
A prince
A prince
A prince

Suddenly
I see
A beauty of heart
Of soul
Of love
Of everything
And I ask
For her hand
And she touches my hand
And then...
And then...
As she touches my hand
She turns into a lark
A lark
A pretty little lark
And she flies
For a peck
Of the cheek
On my cheek
As gratitude
For what I've done

And I see
That pretty little lark
Goes back
To the pretty little lark
Still guarding that peach
'Til that pretty little lark
Sees the pretty little lark
And...Well...

That pretty little lark
Guarding HIS pure peach
Turned out to be
A handsome little lark
With a pretty little lark
By his side
At last
And I watch them
Reunite
At last
At last
Those words
Are pure
At last.

At last.


At last.


-Thank You-

MEOW!

MEOW! Presents: ????????

October 10th, 2012

MEOW!

What is the symbolism of cats in films? For instance, do cats symbolize bad luck?

Not all cats symbolize bad luck. In fact, there are some films where the cats that are supposed to represent bad luck (such as black cats--like Frisky) actually end up being good luck in the long run. An example would be Hocus Pocus, in which Thackery--a human trapped inside the body of a cat--helps our heroes defeat the three witches so that the spell could be broken for him and Emily, his sister. Then, there are some films where cats are the heroes or centerpiece of the film, and serve a purpose to the overall story, such as Puss in Boots, which has the most interesting dance sequence in an animated film I've ever seen involving cats. And then there are cats that are just there because...well, they're awesome, such as The 400 Blows and Precious, where they just lay around the room meowing until they recieve their paychecks. So in terms of symbolism, they can go either way, because they're cats. Meow.

What is, in your opinion, the worst well-reviewed movie?

This was a toughie, as most of the films I enjoy are very well-reviewed films (some I enjoy immensely gets severely underrated, such as Disney's absolutely brilliant version of The Hunchback of Notre Dame, and Little Manhattan, one of the best films ever made that no one has seen yet and SHOULD.). But if there's one thing that I least admire about cinema, it's when it alienates an audience, and implicitly state that "if you don't like this movie, then you should go back to watching something your precious IQ can handle." Movies should be for everyone of every age, not for the people who think too highly of themselves. Beasts of the Southern Wild is a classic example. It was certainly a different film in every regard, but different does not always mean good. It was two hours of film that shouldn't have been wasted when some of that money could've gone to, oh I don't know, the victims of Hurricane Katrina, which this film has several unintentional references toward. I don't know. I have a few others, but that was the one that stood out the most.

Is there one, or two, movies that had the biggest impact on your life?

Two types of impact, actually. One nostalgic and one personal. Nostalgic-wise, no question, Finding Nemo. I know every line to that movie by heart. When it was re-released in 3D, I was quoting almost the entire movie. It's a great piece of entertainment with a wonderful father and son story that just happens to be a fish ta(i)le out of the blue. One film, however, had a personal impact on my life not too long ago that happened to change me for the better. That film, of course, was HUGO. I could blabber on and on based on how much of a treasure I consider this work of art to be, but for now, I'll just focus on the two pivotal reasons based on how this film changed my life. One was that it made me realize that we all have a purpose in this universe; even if you didn't realize it right now, you will realize it eventually. And when that moment hits, it'll hit you with euphoria. The other is that this movie came out at a rather personal time in my life (One that I will blog about sometime next month), and I've always believed that the movies was the perfect way to escape from the cruel realities of this world. I almost gave up on that idea until HUGO came out, and it reminded me what a magical place the cinema can be; it was so magical, in fact, that I saw it six times in 3D when it was out in theaters....not ashamed. The wonder of it all is that the magic still remains even on the laptop when I put the DVD in. That's how good this film is. I cannot reccomend HUGO enough to everyone I do and do not know. It's honestly the best film I've ever seen (Sadly, that could change. If not, HUZAH!).

What is your favorite film movement?

It almost would seem too obvious to say the "90s Disney Rennasiance," wouldn't it? I mean, it did start a movement for all of us kids growing up in the '90s. But in order to maintain my credibility as a cat-loving film buff, I need to keep my child-like wonder to a minimum. So I'll be a traditionalist and say that the "Golden Age of Cinema" is my favorite film movement. There were some truly great films coming out during that era, such as The Wizard of Oz, It's a Wonderful Life, Singin' in the Rain, the epic etc. And plus, whenever I hear the word 'golden,' I get hungry for chicken. Don't ask.

Well, those are all of the questions I have for now. I will be certain that I will do another round of these soon. If you guys have any more questions, ask them, and I'll save them for next time.

Until then,

MEOW!

MEOW! Presents: Brief Reviews of FRANKENWEENIE, HOTEL TRANSYLVANIA and PITCH PERFECT!

October 10th, 2012

MEOW!

And now to review something ironic!

FRANKENWEENIE

The Plot: Based on the 1984 short of the same name, a young boy named Victor (Charlie Tahan) loses his dog Sparky to a car crash, and instead of sitting in his bed pondering the past, he decides to become a "young frankenstein" by re-animating his dog so that he can live a little longer.

The Good: The marriage of old-fashioned filmmaking techniques (Black & White + Stop-Motion) and modern filmmaking techniques (3-D--especially in IMAX--and...other awesome stuff) represents Burton at its atmospheric best. Also, somewhere in this heartwarming--even heartbreaking--story about a boy and his dog is one of the most exciting monster movies to ever grace the silver screen. Let's just say that Godzilla ain't got nothin' on Shelley. And although it could alienate some audience members, the character designs, ESPECIALLY the designs of Weird Girl and Mr. Whiskers, contain that good ol' fashioned cringe-worthy humor that only Burton and his crew can provide. This is one of the most excellently crafted films of the year, and one that is worth seeing on the big screen for the visuals, if for nothing else.

The Bad (or Mediocre): The consequence for expanding a beloved short of the past are two things. One is unnecessarily focused filler. Most of the film seems to be focused on the secondary characters more than Victor and Sparky themselves, and because that feeling of having those characters influenced by Victor's experiment isn't there, it causes less reason for us to care about them. The second thing is predictability, especially to those who have seen the short beforehands. Other than the wonderfully creative climax involving the monsters, there are little to no surprises to be found. Of course, if you haven't seen the short, then I won't spoil this pie, as you will probably enjoy it even more than I did.

The Verdict: Frankenweenie's lack of surprises make this one of Burton's lesser efforts, but it's still a wonderfully crafted entertainment on its own, and even in comparison, it is a masterpiece as opposed to the dreadful Dark Shadows. If you can, see it in IMAX 3D for the appreciation of its care and craft. I mean, who wouldn't want to observe Mr. Rzykruski's teeth in glorious IMAX 3D?

HOTEL TRANSYLVANIA

The Plot: Dracula (Adam Sandler--blah blah blah) creates a hotel in order to shield his daughter (Selena Gomez) from the human world, but on the eve of her 118th birthday, a human accidentally enters the hotel and falls in love with her, which causes Dracula to become more overprotective than he was before.

The Good: There is a moment in the climax where The Wolfman, after eating a group of sheep, says to the group of monsters that they "eat lamb chops, it's the same thing." While that line obviously plays for laughs, it is important to have this line, because it makes us realize that no matter how hard we try to hide it, we all have a monstrous side. But that side can also come from a haunting past, as what Dracula deals with in this film. It's a surprisingly mature moral that elevates this film from just being a traditional CGI-cartoon for kids. Yes, folks. I used the word 'mature' to describe what is essentially an Adam Sandler movie. And as far as Sandler movies go, this happens to be the best I've seen so far. His work as Dracula is wonderful, and somehow feels more restrained than some of his more cartoony live-action work (Hi Jack. Meet Jill.). He's not the only one who shines, though. The rest of the cast provides some terrific voice work, such as Kevin James as Frankenstein, who is responsible for one of the most painfully obvious yet somehow creative jokes of the film (Mummy...did you have to do it?) And speaking of jokes, there are not only some classic visual gags, but witty dialogue as well. In fact, some of the dialogue will be quoted by you after the film is over, such as "ZING!," or "Do you want some scream cheese?" But of course, the real star of this film is Genndy Tartakovsky, whose 2-D style of animation wonderfully shines through its 3D exterior. There are some outstanding moments when the camera swoops through the hotel as if you're a witch riding a broomstick, and then there are some creative set-pieces involving Dracula and Jonathan flying on tables. Then there are the small moments when Dracula is moving around in his cape like a segway, even on the rooftops. This film will definitely make you feel like a kid again at times, even if you're at the age of 18.

The Bad (or Mediocre): When Jonathan (Andy Samberg--That's "Adam's" Boy) first enters the hotel for the first time, it is not an easy first impression. He almost comes across as proof that maybe Dracula was correct about the human world all along, which was not the intended idea for the character. This grinds the film to a halt for about a few scenes until it comes back with the scene where Dracula is disgusted by Jon's contact lenses ("THAT IS THE MOST DISGUSTING THING I'VE EVER SEEN!"). And without giving too much away, there's the traditional "hip-hop musical number" ending that belongs more in a film like Shrek 2. Or if you want an example from Halloween lore, Hocus Pocus, and that film put a spell on us.

The Verdict: I must admit that Hotel Transylvania truly surprised me. It's not something that is a sure-fire contender for Best Animated Feature (though a nomination? Possibly.), but it's great fun, with a surprisngly restrained performance from Adam Sandler. Make yourself a reservation to this 3-Star hotel soon before it gets booked (Yes, 3-Star hotels can get booked, too. Especially during Christmas. Irony, eh?).

PITCH PERFECT

The Plot: Becca (Anna Kendrick) is a loner who doesn't have a lot of friends until she decides to join an a capella group filled with misfit women. One of the women vomits. Twice. You've been warned.

The Good: First off, let us men take a brief pause to perform a "fan sigh" for Anna Kendrick. 1, 2, 3...-fan sigh- OK, now let's be critical. There are a couple of scenes in the film where I laughed here and there, such as the scenes involving Fat Amy (Rebel Wilson), and Lily (Hana Mae Lee), who will probably be the softest-spoken asian you will ever see in a film. There's also an obvious but wonderfully edited scene where one person sings one line, and then the other person sings another line from the same song, and then so on, and so forth, and...you know...the magic of the movies. You'll know it when you see it...

...that is, if you reeeeeeeally need to.

The Bad (or Mediocre): The worst place to turn people off is at the very start of the film, and that is the case here. When one of the commentators makes an incredibly sexist remark on how women are not good at a capella, everyone in the audience let out a rather disconcerting "oooh." Most of the audience seemed to be okay afterwards. I wasn't. Despite what I posted in the good section, this was a genuinely mean-spirited film. Most of the characters (with the exception of Fat Amy and Jesse (Skylar Astin) ) were so unlikeable and cynical that it almost made me become those adjectives as well. The representation of men, at least in the beginning of the film, were horrible caricatures and even the good guys keep on saying to others of a lesser power that what they're doing is weird. It also felt manipulative, and that's a great word to describe this film as a whole: manipulative. The enjoyment of this film never feels as organic as it should with a concept of a capella groups competing against each other. In fact, I can guarantee that anyone would be less than enthralled had this film dropped the a capella aspect in the first place. But as is, it's still a mediocre film, as it feels one-dimensional in a two-dimensional picture.

The Verdict: If this film will receive the same "cult classic" status as something like Mean Girls or Bridesmaids, I want no part of it. Pitch Perfect is a manipulative and mean-spirited film that, rather than humming the tunes as you exit the theater, will leave you wondering what the director of Avenue Q was thinking (Though while we're on that, I admire an a capella group using sock pockets for their performance. Perhaps it's a sign.).

Until then,

MEOW!

MEOW! Presents: THE GREATEST HUNGRY HUNGRY HIPPO MOVIE IDEA THAT WILL HOPEFULLY GET SEEN BY HOLLYWOOD SO THAT OSCAR CAN BE MINE! MINE! MINE BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

October 5th, 2012

NOTE: I'm serious.

MEOW!

Last spring of this year, I was a member of the chorus in a prestigious music festival in Connecticut called "All-State," and our conductor, Rick Bjella, beautifully said that "Imagination feeds the hunger." Cut to the present day, and I find out that once again the wood of Holly is establishing a production based on the "Hungry Hungry Hippos" game that us 90 kids died to get as a christmas gift.

Well, OK, maybe 80s kids more than 90s kids, but both generations loved it just the same.

The cynic in me says that this is once again another cash grab that will destroy the integrity and child-like wonder of what a precious game like "Hungry Hungry Hippos" can be. But the blogger in me--or even the imagineer, if you will--will freely admit that there could be unlimited possibilities on how this idea could be approached. Personally...EVERY SINGLE ONE of those possibilites can be contained in one simple idea. All it takes is the power of imagination, no matter how absolutely ridiculous it can possibly be. So here we go, my friends, neighbors, and hopefully studio exectuives, here's the plot synopsis!

"The year is 9956. Earth has been destroyed, and all living creatures have been sent to the planet Ihopp-Yhugan (I-Hop-Hu-Gan). It's overruled by aliens who assign the creatures their habitats, and they are forced to abide by the rules of what their habitat requires. Three misfit hippos, labeled the "Yhugan-Yhugan Hippos," are required to lay in their pool all day waiting for their meals to arrive at an appropriate time. They have had enough. They want freedom. They want food. Unlimited amounts of food. Eventually, they successfully hitch a spaceship to the planet O-O, with food that literally fills up an entire planet. Little do they know that the ruler of Ihopp-Yhugan, Thea de Gr (Matthew the Great), are on the hippos' tails to retrieve them and return them to where they belong. This leads to extraordinary space battle, unapologetic romance, and worlds beyond your wildest imaginations.*"

You can keep your precious unobtanium on Pandora, THIS could be the next Star Wars for this generation. Hopefully Michael Bay can read this, and send my idea to Hollywood!** I have seen the future, and that name...is HUNGRY. HUNGRY. HIPPOS!!!!!!!!!***

*= In 4-D.
**= I'm kidding.
***=I'm kidding about ALL of this.

MEOW!